The Meaning of Honor - Honoring Parents

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Kibbud Av Va'em - Honor Due to Parents

By Jacob Immanuel Schochet

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What constitutes honor? One must provide them with food and drink, clothing and garments, to conduct them home and take them out, and rise before them. And one must provide them with all their needs cheerfully: even if one should feed them daily the most delectable foods but does so with ill grace, one incurs Divine punishment. And conversely, if one makes his father do hard labor but the intention is good, viz. to save him from a worse fate -- and he appeases his father by showing him that his intention is good -- one inherits the world to come.

Also, one must perform for parents all such services as a servant performs for his master; and one is duty bound to render personal services even at personal expense.

To what lengths should the duty of honoring parents go? Even were they to take his purse full of gold, and cast it into the sea in his presence, he must not shame them, manifest grief in their presence, or display any anger, but accept the Divine decree without demur! [Shulchan Aruch, ibid, 240:4ff.]

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9 Comments Posted

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Posted: Dec 22, 2008

Honoring Thy Father and Mother

I believe to honor they Father and Mother means to know they Father and Mother.

I have wrestled with how people are to honor their parents when the parents performed the most horrific actions against their children.

I believe you should learn about your parents and come to know your parents, and know your parents’ parents, and on and on. Know your family history, your family tree. Learn how your ancestors treated one another. Learn how they lived and what was happening in the world during their lifetime.

By doing this you will know how, and come to understand why, your parents behave as they do. By understanding them, you may come to forgive them.

Ultimately, what greater gift of honor could you give your parents than understanding them and knowing them.

Know your parents, know where you have come from, and you know yourself… honor.

Posted By Anonymous, Tustin, Ca

Posted: Aug 27, 2008

Deut. 31;8

katee;

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Interesting that you should suggest Deut. 31:8 which states that G-D will not forsake me. One of my favorite Psalms is 22 which asks why G-D has forsaken me.

This of course is followed by the famous 23rd Psalm which seems to me to be strategically juxtapositioned after the somewhat harsh 22nd Psalm. Thus succor follows the storm.

I pray each day but not with the "joy" of the Chassidim but with the crying that Isaac Luria felt was indispensible.

In any case I am a work in progress neither holier than thou nor self-deprecating.

Posted By mordecai

Posted: Aug 25, 2008

Difficulty of this commandment

Mordecai... Quote: "Honor thy father and Mother." I feel lilke I am losing my mind as a consequence of the dysfunctionality of my father and mother."

I have felt that way my self - my mother has serious mental illnesses and my dad had luekimia for almost 3 yrs.

My greatest comfort usually comes from the Psalms but the one that gives me the most even to this day is from Deuteronomy 31:8.

Shalom, my brother! You have a sister who is praying for you.

Posted By Katee